


The Passion in You Brings Out the Passion in Me

by ElizabethGreenleaf



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-24 16:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7515001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethGreenleaf/pseuds/ElizabethGreenleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of poems written by Nursey for/about Dex. </p><p>Each poem stands alone and I don't know how many there will end up being.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dawn

I stayed up all night thinking about you—  
us  
I was afraid that if I went to sleep it—  
wouldn’t be real

You are too—  
perfect  
(I hope you don’t see)  
I am too—  
broken  
(I hope you see it all)

So much I should tell you—  
I am Ariel without her voice  
So much I should show you—  
I am Mulan without her makeup

I watch the sun rise—  
beautiful  
(like you)  
“Red sky at dawn / Sailors forewarn”—  
dangerous  
(liking you)

I welcome the oncoming storm—  
(I am terrified)  
I will stand tall beneath the deluge—  
(My hand in yours)  
I will still be here when the clouds break—  
(If you stand with me)


	2. Star Stuff

You make me feel nebulous  
Remind me of the star dust we are all made of

There are  
Constellations in your eyes  
On your skin

I never studied astronomy (you make me wish I had)  
There are patterns here (I want to be the one to decipher them)

I have not found Orion’s Belt or Ursa Major  
Instead I see:  
a bird cage (can you can keep my heart safe in there?)  
a hexagon (a manifested facet of the sport you love?)  
a seven pointed star (fae protection for a dependent of the Tuatha De Danann?)

I find constellations—new and old on every inch of skin laid bare  
I tickle (unintentionally) with fingers coaxing patterns to reveal themselves  
I tickle (intentionally) to hear your ringing laughter,  
the notes connected in their own pattern,  
a constellation I hear rather than see.


	3. Prayers to Morpheus

There is pleasure in watching you sleep.   
So peaceful  
Relaxed.

I envy you.  
You push your body ‘till it can go no more and—you sleep  
I push my body ‘till it can go no more and—I am here, awake

When you fall asleep on the couch,  
laying on your side,  
head pillowed on my lap,  
you make a humming noise—  
only on the fifth exhale.

When my mind races and we are together I count:   
breaths (they ground me in their consistency)  
eyelashes (they tease me with their beguiling softness)  
freckles (they are infinite and I prefer to count them rather than counting sheep) 

When my mind races and I am alone I count:   
Touches (I want to hold your hand forever)  
Kisses (there will never be enough)  
Days (the mundane becomes magical, the magical transcendent)   
Nights spent together (too few by far)

On bad nights   
I picture each one of these as our last   
The rays of my scorching brain turn inward  
I feel myself shrivel up like a husk left to dry under a desert sun   
It is only when I am treated with the balm of your voice  
When I can look upon your dewy face  
Feel the hydrating touch of your skin on mine   
I am myself again—plump, full, alive.

You reach out to me in your sleep.   
Always. Without fail.  
(Perhaps I am a comfort to you as well?)  
When you are not curled around me or I around you  
Your hand reaches out from across the (inches) miles of bedding   
Your touch upon my skin settles us both  
We breathe

You breathe.  
I count.  
Morpheus visits at last.


	4. Unchill

Cool. Chill. Calm. Composed. 

I am none of these things (around you) 

I want to   
-impress  
-intrigue  
-cherish  
you

I stumble  
-over words  
-over feet  
-into you

I am not cool because you set me on fire  
I am not chill because you steal the air around you  
I am not calm because you make my heart race  
I am not composed because your very presence makes me quake

Do you know how unsteady you make the world around me?  
My world remakes itself in your presence

Do you see the cracks  
-in my foundation  
-in my facade  
-in my power to resist

It is only with you by my side I can imagine being

Cool. Chill. Calm. Composed.


	5. Inelegant Togue in an Addled Brain

Words are my domain  
I parse them out sparingly  
Manipulate them to suit   
My own nefarious agenda  
But you—

You’re proximity creates a vortex  
—syntax  
—vocabulary  
—language  
lost in a maelstrom of static

I eek out words  
They are never what I intend  
My brain has short circuited   
An EMP to the verbal communication centers  
I babble  
I grow accustomed to the taste of foot  
—implanted permanently in my useless maw

I leave  
Remove you from the equation  
The effect is not instantaneous   
(I had hoped)  
—time   
—distance   
Offer a reprieve 

Then—Again  
We are thrown into the same sphere  
It begins anew.  
Inelegant tongue  
Addled brain  
Together they mock me


	6. Untitled

(Found on a random page of Nursey’s writing journal and written in a familiar Dex-like scrawl that is certainly not Nursy's)

 

I found your homework out on your bed  
Where anyone could read what you had said. 

Your words are sweet and heartbreaking  
And they sure have got me thinking.

You talk about me like I am Hercules   
I’m probably better known for being a tease. 

I know that this doesn’t have to rhyme  
But you seem to think we are running out of time.

My love for you does not come in a finite quantity   
It will grow and improve with age and therefore quality.

I do not know when you you will find my sorry try  
To write love poetry to my all time favorite guy.

You have my heart, please don’t fret,  
It had been yours since the day we met.

I love you.  
I love you.  
I love you.


	7. Family Gatherings

Surrounded by blood-family  
never more alone.   
(I haven't told anyone  
Too many variables   
I doubt their acceptance   
I try not to want   
—their acceptance  
—to be "home" safe  
—cared for.)

Instead I sit here, lips pulling over teeth  
—grimace-smile  
Is the world is shaking or is it me?   
—you aren't here  
—I was afraid to ask you

We talked earlier  
—You asked if I was alright  
I lied. 

I could have said it's dark here  
—I don't want to bring you with me  
I am a black hole  
—I want you here  
—I will hold on too tightly 

—If I call—  
—If I ask—

Will you shrink away from being my anchor in the darkness?  
(do you know I will happily consume your passionate fire)

You'll call me in the morning  
—it will be better  
—you make it better  
Tell me stories of people/places I have never seen  
—antics  
—old rivalries  
—old jokes  
—new bets  
You will make me laugh   
(it is a balm to my fractured spirit)

—Home soon  
—Together  
You will remind me

For now?  
—Be happy for both of us  
I have never been more alone


	8. To and So

Daydreams of the   
—future  
—present  
—yesterday  
Haunt me

I don't mean to want  
(but God, I do)  
I want to accept what you give 

It is too soon to be feeling  
(I’ve never)  
I’m afraid you’ll  
—bolt  
—laugh  
—feel the same  
if I tell you

You’ve given me   
so many firsts   
You've been   
so patient 

It feels like too much   
to ask you  
to say  
to promise

This is all still   
so new  
The future is   
so unknown

I will keep my worts   
buttoned up   
for now

someday these “to” and “so”   
will trip freely off   
my ready tongue   
into your waiting ears.


	9. I Wonder...

I wonder

When you were a kid,  
What did you most want to be?

Did you imagine yourself lying next to   
—a girl  
—a boy  
me?

You make other day dreams pale   
—Sepia toned memories  
Vivid, impossible bright reality

Is it the same for you?  
I am afraid to ask  
(but secretly wonder)

if you could change things, would you?

If you could straighten the bends and homogenize yourself  
—would you?

It would be easier. 

I don’t know if I could.

So many things would be easier  
—safe  
—more accepted   
—less complicated 

But then I wouldn’t have you  
—Couldn’t have you

My heart is certain—  
I would miss you   
(even if we never met)

You are color   
—light  
—laughter

I am more for having known   
(loved)  
you.


	10. Beneath a Peaceful Countenance

I am not a violent person  
I've never been in a fight  
My bullies never got physical  
I was cut by words not fists

Knowing what you've  
—experienced   
—survived  
—been subjected to  
I want to make the world burn

Every person whose made you feel like  
—not enough  
—replaceable  
—disgusting  
Deserves every ounce of wrath I muster 

They don't like   
Where you're from  
—blue collar middle class  
How you look  
—soul stealing demon   
Or who you love  
—G** Q**** F*****

(I see   
—hardworking  
—beautiful  
—loving)

You tell me not to wish revenge  
They aren't worth it

They hurt you.   
They still hurt you. 

I dream of   
—fervent fire  
—violent vengeance  
—righteous revenge  
Death

I won't act on it  
(Because you asked it)


	11. Your eyes

Dawn

I stayed up all night thinking about you—  
us  
I was afraid that if I went to sleep it—  
wouldn’t be real

You are too—  
perfect  
(I hope you don’t see)  
I am too—  
broken  
(I hope you see it all)

So much I should tell you—  
I am Ariel without her voice  
So much I should show you—  
I am Mulan without her makeup

I watch the sun rise—  
beautiful   
(like you)  
“Red sky at dawn / Sailors forewarn”—   
dangerous  
(liking you)

I welcome the oncoming storm—  
(I am terrified)  
I will stand tall beneath the deluge—  
(My hand in yours)   
I will still be here when the clouds break—  
(If you stand with me) 

 

Star Stuff

You make me feel nebulous  
Remind me of the star dust we are all made of

There are   
Constellations in your eyes  
On your skin

I never studied astronomy (you make me wish I had)  
There are patterns here (I want to be the one to decipher them)

I have not found Orion’s Belt or Ursa Major  
Instead I see:  
a bird cage (can you can keep my heart safe in there?)  
a hexagon (a manifested facet of the sport you love?)   
a seven pointed star (fae protection for a dependent of the Tuatha De Danann?)

I find constellations—new and old on every inch of skin laid bare  
I tickle (unintentionally) with fingers coaxing patterns to reveal themselves  
I tickle (intentionally) to hear your ringing laughter,   
the notes connected in their own pattern,   
a constellation I hear rather than see.  
Morpheus

There is pleasure in watching you sleep.   
So peaceful  
Relaxed.

I envy you.  
You push your body ‘till it can go no more and—you sleep  
I push my body ‘till it can go no more and—I am here, awake

When you fall asleep on the couch,  
laying on your side,  
head pillowed on my lap,  
you make a humming noise—  
only on the fifth exhale.

When my mind races and we are together I count:   
breaths (they ground me in their consistency)  
eyelashes (they tease me with their beguiling softness)  
freckles (they are infinite and I prefer to count them rather than counting sheep) 

When my mind races and I am alone I count:   
Touches (I want to hold your hand forever)  
Kisses (there will never be enough)  
Days (the mundane becomes magical, the magical transcendent)   
Nights spent together (too few by far)

On bad nights   
I picture each one of these as our last   
The rays of my scorching brain turn inward  
I feel myself shrivel up like a husk left to dry under a desert sun   
It is only when I am treated with the balm of your voice  
When I can look upon your dewy face  
Feel the hydrating touch of your skin on mine   
I am myself again—plump, full, alive.

You reach out to me in your sleep.   
Always. Without fail.  
(Perhaps I am a comfort to you as well?)  
When you are not curled around me or I around you  
Your hand reaches out from across the (inches) miles of bedding   
Your touch upon my skin settles us both  
We breathe

You breathe.  
I count.  
Morpheus visits at last.   
Cool. Chill. Calm. Composed.

I am none of these things (around you)

I want to   
-impress  
-intrigue  
-cherish  
you

I stumble  
-over words  
-over feet  
-into you

I am not cool because you set me on fire  
I am not chill because you steal the air around you  
I am not calm because you make my heart race  
I am not composed because your very presence makes me quake

Do you know how unsteady you make the world around me?  
My world remakes itself in your presence

Do you see the cracks  
-in my foundation  
-in my facade  
-in my power to resist

It is only with you by my side I can imagine being

Cool. Chill. Calm. Composed.  
Daydreams of the   
—future  
—present  
—yesterday  
Haunt me

I don't mean to want  
(but God, I do)  
I want to accept what you give 

It is too soon to be feeling  
(I’ve never)  
I’m afraid you’ll  
—bolt  
—laugh  
—feel the same  
if I tell you

You’ve given me   
so many firsts   
You've been   
so patient 

It feels like too much   
to ask you  
to say  
to promise

This is all still   
so new  
The future is   
so unknown

I will keep my worts   
buttoned up   
for now

someday these “to” and “so”   
will trip freely off   
my ready tongue   
into your waiting ears. (Found on a random page of Nursey’s writing journal and written in a familiar handwriting not his own)

 

I found your homework out on your bed  
Where anyone could read what you had said. 

Your words are sweet and heartbreaking  
And they sure have got me thinking.

You talk about me like I am Hercules   
I’m probably better known for being a tease. 

I know that this doesn’t have to rhyme  
But you seem to think we are running out of time.

My love for you does not come in a finite quantity   
It will grow and improve with age and therefore quality.

I do not know when you you will find my sorry try  
To write love poetry to my all time favorite guy.

You have my heart, please don’t fret,  
It had been yours since the day we met.

I love you.  
I love you.  
I love you. 

 

Words are my domain  
I parse them out sparingly  
Manipulate them to suit   
My own nefarious agenda  
But you—

You’re proximity creates a vortex  
—syntax  
—vocabulary  
—language  
lost in a maelstrom of static

I eek out words  
They are never what I intend  
My brain has short circuited   
An EMP to the verbal communication centers  
I babble  
I grow accustomed to the taste of foot  
—implanted permanently in my useless maw

I leave  
Remove you from the equation  
The effect is not instantaneous   
(I had hoped)  
—time   
—distance   
Offer a reprieve 

Then—Again  
We are thrown into the same sphere  
It begins anew.  
Inelegant tongue  
Addled brain  
Together they mock me

Surrounded by blood-family  
never more alone.   
(I haven't told anyone  
Too many variables   
I doubt their acceptance   
I try not to want   
—their acceptance  
—to be "home" safe  
—cared for.)

Instead I sit here, lips pulling over teeth  
—grimace-smile  
Is the world is shaking or is it me?   
—you aren't here  
—I was afraid to ask you

We talked earlier  
—You asked if I was alright  
I lied. 

I could have said it's dark here  
—I don't want to bring you with me  
I am a black hole  
—I want you here  
—I will hold on too tightly 

—If I call—  
—If I ask—

Will you shrink away from being my anchor in the darkness?  
(do you know I will happily consume your passionate fire)

You'll call me in the morning  
—it will be better  
—you make it better  
Tel me stories of people/places I have never seen  
—antics  
—old rivalries  
—old jokes  
—new bets  
You will make me laugh   
(it is a balm to my fractured spirit)

—Home soon  
—Together  
You will remind me  
For now?  
—Be happy for both of us  
I have never been more alone  
I wonder

When you were a kid,  
What did you most want to be?

Did you imagine yourself lying next to   
—a girl  
—a boy  
me?

You make other day dreams pale   
—Sepia toned memories  
Vivid, impossible bright reality

Is it the same for you?  
I am afraid to ask  
(but secretly wonder)

if you could change things, would you?

If you could straighten the bends and homogenize yourself  
—would you?

It would be easier. 

I don’t know if I could.

So many things would be easier  
—safe  
—more accepted   
—less complicated 

But then I wouldn’t have you  
—Couldn’t have you

My heart is certain—  
I would miss you   
(even if we never met)

You are color   
—light  
—laughter

I am more for having known   
(loved)  
youI didn’t know   
eyes  
(yours)  
could be that color

I made a list,   
trying to identify their shade  
to use in a poem

My list started with food:  
—honey  
—maple syrup  
—caramel  
—toffee   
—pale roux

Then alcohol:   
—lagger  
—ale  
—brandy  
—bourbon  
—whisky

And jewelry:   
—bronze  
—gold  
—amber  
—citrine  
—golden beryl   
—imperial topaz

I am less certain now  
Than when I began  
Appropriate vocabulary   
is elusive.

Too much time searching and I am left with

The merest glance   
—from eyes the honeyed color of imperial topaz—  
sear my soul   
and   
I am enraptured.


End file.
